High On The Hog!

by Thaddeus Spae

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1.
I got down with the dipper I went wild with the mouse but I never knew what a fun ride could do til the twister hit my house Ch: Whirlwind romance strap in and hold on stay for the romance After the whirlwind's done I got burned by the rocket I just blew off the jet But this here attraction has got enough action to be the fastest one yet (Ch) I barely got through admissions sweatin in line til you drop but that A ticket sure paid its way With that beautiful view from the top I dunno how I got here This sure ain't kansas dude but here she comes walkin them ruby-red sneakers her and her little dog too I spun out on the roundup weathered the hurricane but after that big wheel this tunnel of love'll feel just a little bit tame (Ch)
2.
02:45
He's a big fish In a small pond barely room to swim but if you wanna go somewhere you gotta go thru him he's a big dog in a small yard he don't need to run he'll just sit down and wait by the gate until you come He's an 800 pound gorilla he's trouble on a pogo stick like a blackberry vine or a porcupine he's got one good trick He's a fat cat on the soft chair he's got a velvet paw but if you try to make him move you'll get tooth and claw He's a big rig hoggin the fast lane takin the scenic route squattin' like a toad in the middle of the road with his hand stuck out He's a big fish In a small pond got a mighty thirst but if you want it to get better you better get him first
3.
06:52
Oh the solitary possum in her coat of whiteish gray wandering the nighttime and sleeping through the day pondering her purpose as she goes along her way and marveling at the wonder of it all I see her by the roadside as the night is coming out the glimmer of her beady eyes the quiver of her snout a peerin through the darkness and a snuffin of the air and she knows the car is coming but she's too profound to care Oh the solitary possum... The possum's deep and subtle, you can see it in a glance she stands on the macadam in a philosophic trance with roarin menace bearing down she'll dream until she's done unless she is persuaded to collect her thoughts and run Oh the solitary possum... I do not stare at headlights -- I'm a realistic man and I can cross the road as well as any chicken can and I could soar with eagles or so I would proclaim but yet there's something in me of the possum just the same Oh the solitary possum...
4.
I wanna low maintenance girlfriend who doesn't think she's the queen who gives me a snuggle instead of a struggle and knows how to cook and clean I wanna low maintenance girlfriend one who's not a nervous wreck who fixes her computers and likes to go to hooters and never lets me pay the check And when she says good morning she means good morning not here comes a hissy fit without any warning and when she says good night she means good night not would you kindly read my mind n turn out the light I wanna low maintenance girlfriend sensible through and through who's got a groovy ringtone and doesn't lose her cellphone then borrow mine and lose it too I want a low maintenance boyfriend one who never wears a frown who washes all the dishes and wipes up when he pishes and always leaves The toilet seat down I want a low maintenance boyfriend who never makes me feel annoyed who doesn't need to chatter or ask me what's the matter or Think his name is sigmund freud And when he says “hey cutie” He means “hey cutie” not “you'd be really swell If you lost half of your bootie” and a dinner date is a dinner date not “would you like to supersize With fries and a shake” I want a low maintenance boyfriend who understands that he's a king who walks with a swagger and never needs viagra and doesn't care if i can't sing I want a low maintenance lover wicked good at being bad who's ice-cool and red-hot and sleeps on the wet spot and tells me i'm the best they've had I want a low maintenance partner sane and solid all the time who does what i'm expecting and doesn't bounce their checking or claim that they're from vega prime And when they say i love you, They mean I love you not “you'll do til I find a newer model of you” and when they ask to stay They really want to stay not hang around and wear you down And then run away I wanna low maintenance (boy/girl)friend wild and crazy and free who's wise beyond knowing and doesn't mind going with a high maintenance Guy/gal like me
5.
The little old lady sat next to the stage where the eminent mathematician and sage Revealed how the universe, age after age, had advanced to its present location And she said to him sir you are on the wrong track The whole world rests on the Great Turtle's back The speaker replied to this scathing attack Pray what is the turtle's foundation? She said sonny don't pull out that cheap sophistry You may fool all the others but you can't fool me It's Turtles All The Way Down sir It's turtles all the way down Oh you're very smart but I know in my heart that it's turtles all the way down The Christians the Jews and the Muslims They base their beliefs on their book They all stand up and quote em and tell you God wrote em And say that the others got took The Hindus have gods by the millions Each with their own ritual and shrine When offerings come due They all stand in a queue Til they get to the head of the line (ch) The Shintos keep trying to trademark "The Isle of the Gods" in their name but the Balinese skip off and call it a rip off And file a previous claim The Taoists divide down the middle with yang always balancing yin But don't ever mention the camera's invention cause gray scale gets under their skin (ch) And let's not even start on the Romans They're not on the ball you can tell With Romulus and Remus and Mars shtupping Venus no wonder their empire fell And you who are rational realists convinced that your vision is clear you'd better think through it cause when it comes to it can you even prove that you're here? (ch)
6.
On the surface we look simple skin and hair and blush and dimple inside it’s a solid mass of bone and muscle, blood and gut in the cell’s secluded chasm membranes circle cytoplasm nucleus and mytochondria put in place by who knows what But we are more than the sum of our parts the sum of our parts the sum of our parts we are more than the sum of our parts of our parts of our parts Take a bite of food in your mouth chew it up and send it off south through the tonsels past the palate round the gastronomic bend stripped of its nutritious uses in the tripes and bowels and tuchas to a dirty destination there can be no other end Ch Metacarpal epidermis hippocampus corpus collosum liver lungs arachnid layer squamous epithelium In our veins and capillaries lurk the ancient adversaries phagocytes and t cells seeking only to defeat the foe if there is no enemy then they’ll kill anything they see though it may be their only lifeline they can neither care nor know Ch Cornea tympanic membrane veriform appendix gullet fibula tibia triceps bicep spectacles ventricles watch and wallet From the columns of the legs the body’s temple stands erected vessel of a spirit oscillating between love and fear through the portals of the senses mounted in the skull’s defenses visions from a distance for the mind to see and heart to hear Ch
7.
05:06
Have fun now it's better than being bored fun is fun for everyone fun is its own reward Have fun now take these words to heart if you aren't having fun right now when are you gonna start? Ch Have fun now it's all up to you but save some fun for later on and you'll have more fun too Oh have more fun (etc) Have fun now have fun every day but if you don't have no fun to have have fun anyway Oh have fun anyway (etc)
8.
If you are in the kitchen and there's cookies on the shelf don't just climb up and grab one you can't just help yourself What's the magic word? Please please please please pretty please with lettuce and cheese don't make me get down on my knees please please please please please If you are at the grocery and you want a candy bar you better not start whining remember where you are What's the magic word? Please please please please give it to me before i sneeze better do it now or i'll give you fleas please please please please please If you are watching tv and it's time to go to bed your parents might not like it if you wanna stay up instead What's the magic word? No no no no you can't watch another show get in your jammies hurry up go no no no no no
9.
02:39
I can't bite into a redhot out at the park in the shade ketchup and mustard don't help me i know how sausage is made I back away from salami fresh from the circular blade no kielbasa or bloodwurst i know how sausage is made I've seen the grinder i've seen the skin i've seen the plunger stuffing the stuffing on in You can keep your chorizo your baloney parade i'll stick with my tea and crumpets i know how sausage is made I've seen the chimney i've seen the plume i've seen the butcher herding the herd to their doom Don't bring a braunschweiger sandwich if you want to get paid just keep those carrot sticks coming i know how sausage is made
10.
It's been so long since i left home, I'm on my own now I live my life in a maze but I still dream of the way that it used to be back in my vaudeville days I worked the circuit and lived for the four-a-day i starred in miracle plays (you wouldn't think to see me) I never started on time but I never had to back in my vaudeville days And in the summer we would gather out at the country fair laugh in the sunlight, greet each other we thought we'd never ever be leaving there … It's been so long since i left home, I'm on my own now I live my life in a maze (you wouldn't think to see me) but I remember the way that it used to be back in my vaudeville days
11.
03:00
Seattle wa it's a helluva town the space needle's up and the people get down life is good, you can get what you bring But you gotta learn to deal with just one thing and that's rain rain rain rain rain rain if it wasn't for rain the little flowers wouldn't grow and it's lovely weather for a vegetable Seattle wa -- jet city to you we got it all and we know what to do i got mine and you can get yours but you just gotta learn how to get it indoors outta the Rain rain rain Etc. Light mist glasses wetter monsoon carwash!! Seattle wa, it's the caffine scene land of the free and the home of the bean step into 'bucks and get buzzed, you bet but step outside and you'll be all wet in the rain rain rain etc
12.
I'm a loser, you're a user We're a team, it's true Misery loves company and that's why I love you I'm a dreamer, you're a screamer we go loop de loo Misery loves company and that's why I love you Heaven must be beaming with pride Couldn't be more lame if we tried dear I'm a pouter you're a doubter What else can we do? Misery loves company and that's why I love you We don't care if raindrops don't fall We don't mind the sunshine at all dear I need plasma you've got asthma I have asthma too Misery loves company and that's why I love you
13.
Dynamite monkey sits all alone nurses his grievances longs for his home cohort and comfort not in the cards just a short leash and the plunger he guards hands on the handle grip is not tight probably won’t push him he might Please don’t tease dynamite monkey Dynamite monkey sensitive soul don’t like his job but he likes the control never a motion never a twitch biding his timing awake at the switch could be up swinging high in the air show some respect now he’s just sitting there Please don’t sneeze dynamite monkey And at night he sleeps with one eye open dreaming dreams of the final explosion when the world is freed from its disguise and bananas come raining from the skies Dynamite monkey he's not to blame he’s just a pawn in the big monkey game sworn to the service purchased and sold see hear and speak only what he is told for the duration this is his fate sit at attention and wait just wait Please don’t tease please don’t sneeze please don’t squeeze dynamite monkey
14.
03:45
Yesterday’s history, it came and it went and tomorrow’s a mystery, a path that is bent you can pound on those doors and you won’t make a dent but today is a gift and that’s why we call it the present Yesterday’s sorrows can bury you deep and yesterday’s glories can lull you to sleep but sorrows and glories can both give a bow to the infinite privlege of being here now -- here now Ch Tomorrow’s fresh sunrise invites you to dance and tomorrow’s new day is an endless second chance but the dawn of a new day that hasn’t begun is only a shadow compared to this one -- this one Ch There’s only one moment that you’ll ever know there’s only one breath -- take it in, let it go and let go of the past, put the future away for the rest of your life is beginning today -- today
15.
04:24
You show me what's up you keep my feet on the ground you make my whole world spin around when I fall I fall for you because nobody holds me like you do Ch: oh gravity oh gravity oh gravity hold on to me (2x's) You're always there no matter where I go why you attract me I just don't know lying in bed in your fond embrace if it wasn't for you i'd go flyin into space Ch (4x's) Br: I feel so heavy with you on top you keep me movin you never let me stop I wanna break away to fly and be free but I can't reach escape velocity Cause your heavenly body it bends my sight though I'm standin up to you with all my might but when I fall I fall for you because nobody holds me like you do Ch numerous times

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Live album from the wonderful "Wild Hog In The Woods" coffee house concert series in Madison WI. Songs new and old with all the introductions left in. With special guest the beautiful and talented Ada-Reva Spae!

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released December 15, 2011

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Thaddeus Spae Seattle, Washington

A 40-year veteran of the Folk Wars, Thaddeus Spae has played venues from Tipitina's to the EMP. He's an award-winning songwriter whose works range from quirky to literate, guardedly sentimental to outraged and sarcastic, performed on a panoply of instruments acoustic and electric, in a profligate variety of styles encompassing folk, hard rock, jazz, blues, electronic and more. Website: tspae.com. ... more

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