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Old Dogs

by Thaddeus Spae

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    Words, pictures, snarky comments, all wildcrafted and locally sourced — what more do you want? Egg in your beer? Yuck!

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1.
Don't show your wallet to a rich man remember he don't earn his pay don't tell your troubles to a blind man you know he'll never see things your way don't dine at the cozy diner don't play gin rummy with doc don't think that you're immune you're not Ch: there's a lesson to discover lessin' you already know better duck and run for cover when the wind begins to blow Don't double down on a lost cause you ain't impressing anyone don't tell your mama who you slept with don't tell your papa what you done don't wear good clothes to the market don't let your honor drop don't think that it's a game it's not (ch) Don't pick a fight with a madman could be yourself you're trying to beat don't put your faith in politicians don't put your business in the street don't sell your soul for a nickel don't break your heart just to hear it pop don't think that you're immortal you're not (ch)
2.
Old Dogs 03:24
Old dogs are the best dogs they never bark at night unless they hear a burglar or think it's getting light old dogs never hound you they pick a comfy chair and wait for you to wander by and skritch them here and there Old dogs are the best dogs the best dogs through and through and someday if i'm lucky i'll be an old dog too Old dogs are the best dogs they really paid their dues they climb up on the sofa and help you watch the news old dogs can remember the way things used to be they dream of chasing rabbits and snore adorably The best at all they do Old dogs are the best dogs they're never in a rush not even if it's suppertime or someone hollars mush old dogs never worry they're not afraid to leave they only wish that they could stay to comfort those who grieve The best dogs tried and true
3.
I went down to the local talent agency to see if they could find a gig for me some kind of a job in some kind of unkind joint the lady in the office was kinda cute in her clark kent glasses and her power suit she sat me right down and got right to the point She said geezers with guitars are a dime a dozen geezers with guitars are a penny a head that lady wasn't bluffing i didn't cry or nothing i went back home and went back to bed because geezers with guitars don't care what they said I went up to my favorite busking spot smack on the corner of vacant and lot whipped out my stellavarius for all the working stiffs to see but they couldn't seem to tell if I was drunk or insane or maybe a part of some ad campaign nobody fed the kitty but they all took selfies with me They said geezers with guitars are a dime a dozen geezers with guitars gotta buy a permit their numbers just get higher few die and none retire their species ain't endangered one bit because the present day geezer refuses to quit They got websites and kickstarts a to z they got youtube videos and mp3s they got this whole social media thing down cold but they're old Well I wish there was an answer but there's just no way for a codger with an ax to get by today you can't play the main stage or sing a hit song less you're young but i'm going out tonight to an open mic show with a lotta other geezers with guitars I know and we'll be raising the roof until the last old dog gets hung Because geezers with guitars are a force of nature geezers with guitars got nothing better to do you better watch out pilgrim we're coming for your children we'll teach them all to play guitar too and someday geezers with guitars will outnumber you
4.
The Cheese 02:52
The good guy gets the goodies the squeaky wheel gets the grease the early bird gets the squirmy worm but the second mouse gets the cheese The Springtime gets the sunshine The Wintertime gets the freeze The oyster gets the shiny pearl But the second mouse gets the cheese Make haste make space make merry Take heed take heart take hope Wash out your sins with holy blood But wash your hands with soap The Big Boss gets the big bucks The big dog gets the fleas The birthday boy gets to cut the cake But the second mouse gets the cheese Be thankful and be tranquil Be calm and circumspect avoid that strife and trust in life but always cut the deck Historians get the last word the thief gets all she sees the knight may get that princess yet But the second mouse gets the cheese assume the best expect the rest But the second mouse gets the cheese
5.
We're living in the future we cracked the spiral code computers in our pockets and gridlock on the road we eat organic waffles and mow our yards with goats we're living in the future they rammed it down our throats We're living in the future it's ominous and weird but robots still take orders it's better than we feared we've got a million channels but all the news is fake we're living in the future there must be some mistake We're living in the future they've got us on our backs we haven't got our flying cars or personal rocket packs the internet remembers what we tried to forget we're living in the future and it's not over yet We're living in the future more future every day we're photographing pluto while glaciers melt away and time deals three-card monte with jokers up its sleeve we're living in the future cuz it's too late to leave
6.
Lucky 04:28
Don't mistake me for the latest thing i don't do imitations of the king but I ain't no kind of newcomer here i've been underneith this rock for years And it's a long weird road and it sure ain't soft and you gotta be tough and plucky and i'm a beat up dog with my ears chewed off but I answer to the name of lucky Don't confuse me with somebody hip i'm the loosest cannon on this ship and if you asked me how I got in this mess i'd have to say just lucky I guess And it's a long weird road and I never saw the face of the driver of the truck that struck me and i'm a beat up dog with my tail in a brace but I answer to the name of Lucky And if I knew the reason why i wouldn't be in this place the way they treat the help around here is a lowdown doggone dirty disgrace Don't go selling me no miracle cure i've had all the comfort I can endure but if you're buyin here's a deal you can't beat a busted rainbow that i'm letting go cheap
7.
Passé 02:49
News flash, honey film at ten we're over that rainbow in kansas again yesterday's done the parade's gone by and nobody cares what we do but you and i We're passé we take the time to forget our clothes aren't trendy but we don't fret baby we're so passé We're passé our gate is patient and slow we cherish the world and we let it go terribly au passé And the night and the stars are ours, too good to refuse a couple of friends divested of trends we choose what we lose We're passé a state of freedom and grace without any need for a pretty face face it we're tré passé And the night and the stars are ours a kingdom so vast a couple of chums content with what comes the past doesn't last We're passé retired resigned but not sad for all we've been thru we ain't half bad despite remarks from some Undergrad who only wishes for what we've had darling we're so passé but I wouldn't have it any other way Newsflash, honey…
8.
Get Old! 03:28
Looked in the mirror and what did I see A double-chin geezer leering at me I said hey you, bald fat and farty I don't recall inviting you to the party Get old — There's nothing to it Get old — You're gonna do it Get old — it's what happens when you live And it ain't so bad if you consider the alternative I seen my buddy and he turned blue he said my gawd boy what happened to you I said it's normal so don't be perplexed but it's going round son, you could be next Get old — hey I enjoyed it Get old — you can't avoid it Get old — you better find a higher purpose Or you can help reduced the population surplus Cars and guitars and rock n roll stars entropy squashes em all Take a little ride on the arrow of time But don't fly higher than you're willing to fall (ooh shakin all over) Everything gets old child it just makes you sick But I didn't figure on it happening this quick It keeps me running, too busy to scratch Ever since 50 it's been patch patch patch I got old — just like Ulysses Get old — it ain't for sissies Get old — you better love that withered visage Just think of all the folks who never got the privledge Get old — it's gonna getcha Get old — I'm gonna betcha Get old — it's what happens when you live And it ain't so bad if you consider the alternative
9.
When I was young and stupid Trying to grow a brain Trouble came pouring down on me Just like a shower of rain But now that I’m old and stupid Strange to say Trouble just shakes its head And walks away Max maxed out his visa Sonya overstayed hers Charlie’s truck Was plain bad luck Eddies was even worse My pal dale Has a brother in jail Johnny lost his front door key Dory and Doris Just got a divorce Everyone’s in trouble but me What did I do to stay out of trouble Nothing that’s what I did While everybody else Went looking for trouble When trouble came knocking I ran and hid Annie had a baby Fido got rabies Fluffy got stuck in a tree Sweet Beatrix Got doxed by her ex Everyone’s in trouble but me What did I do to stay out of trouble? Trouble never left me alone While everybody else Was asking for trouble When trouble came calling I hung up the phone Vicky got evicted Dickie got addicted Tonto got a wounded knee Poor old Gus Walked in front of a bus Everyone’s in trouble but me Don’t know how I do it But I always muddle through it Don’t know how I swing it But I always seem to wing it Don’t know how I pull it But I always dodge the bullet Everyone’s in trouble I’m living in a bubble Everyone’s in trouble but me
10.
With all the troubles in the world today if dogs could only speak i'm sure they'd say Let's sniff butts and be friendly it's so lonely being alone we can roll over together help each other bury a bone life's too short to be snarly just a short walk til it ends let's not waste it pick a stick and chase it let's sniff butts and be friends
11.
Little old man On the corner of the square Layin down tunes For the people out there Raking it in from the hoi polloi I asked him how he did it He said listen up boy Here’s a word of advice You can have it for free People only hear what they can see You gotta look like you sound Sing like you play Walk like you talk If you’re gonna make it pay You gotta know where you been Be who you are Do what you do Or you won’t get far That little old man He looked pretty weird With his beat up fedora And his Santyclaus beard He didn’t take no requests He just did his thing And the people lined up Just to hear him sing He said it ain’t no mystery How to make a show You just take what you got And you let it roll (ch) And if you ever start wondering Which clothes to wear Just take a word of advice From that man on the square (ch
12.
Your books will always balance you'll find your psychic talents and pick the winning teams in your dreams Your hopes will never wither You'll learn to play the zither and sing like the Supremes in your dreams And when you swim an ocean, that ocean won't be wet The waves will bear you bravely up you bet you bet No Fears will be your motto You'll win the big state lotto and score on all your schemes in your dreams And when the light of morning comes stealing thru your eyes you'll have to face reality surprise surprise But though there's death and taxes by night your heart relaxes It's better than it seems in your dreams

about

Another pile of peculiar and picturesque, featuring original jazz, blues, folk and goof. Also dogs. Lots of dogs.

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released August 7, 2020

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about

Thaddeus Spae Seattle, Washington

A 40-year veteran of the Folk Wars, Thaddeus Spae has played venues from Tipitina's to the EMP. He's an award-winning songwriter whose works range from quirky to literate, guardedly sentimental to outraged and sarcastic, performed on a panoply of instruments acoustic and electric, in a profligate variety of styles encompassing folk, hard rock, jazz, blues, electronic and more. Website: tspae.com. ... more

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