I wanna low maintenance girlfriend
who doesn't think she's the queen
who gives me a snuggle
instead of a struggle
and knows how to cook and clean

I wanna low maintenance girlfriend
one who's not a nervous wreck
who fixes her computers
and likes to go to hooters
and never lets me pay the check

And when she says good morning
she means good morning
not here comes a hissy fit
without any warning
and when she says good night
she means good night
not would you kindly
read my mind n
turn out the light

I wanna low maintenance girlfriend
sensible through and through
who's got a groovy ringtone
and doesn't lose her cellphone
then borrow mine and lose it too


I want a low maintenance boyfriend
one who never wears a frown
who washes all the dishes
and wipes up when he pishes
and always leaves
The toilet seat down

I want a low maintenance boyfriend
who never makes me feel annoyed
who doesn't need to chatter
or ask me what's the matter
or Think his name is sigmund freud

And when he says “hey cutie”
He means “hey cutie”
not “you'd be really swell
If you lost half of your bootie”
and a dinner date is a dinner date
not “would you like to supersize
With fries and a shake”

I want a low maintenance boyfriend
who understands that he's a king
who walks with a swagger
and never needs viagra
and doesn't care if i can't sing


I want a low maintenance lover
wicked good at being bad
who's ice-cool and red-hot
and sleeps on the wet spot
and tells me i'm the best they've had

I want a low maintenance partner
sane and solid all the time
who does what i'm expecting
and doesn't bounce their checking
or claim that they're from vega prime

And when they say i love you,
They mean I love you
not “you'll do til I find
a newer model of you”
and when they ask to stay
They really want to stay
not hang around and wear you down
And then run away

I wanna low maintenance
(boy/girl)friend
wild and crazy and free
who's wise beyond knowing
and doesn't mind going
with a high maintenance
Guy/gal like me