1. |
The Fun Song
03:02
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Have Fun Now
It’s better than being bored
Fun is Fun for everyone
Fun is its own reward
Have Fun Now
Take these words to heart
If you’re not having Fun right now
When are you going to start?
OHHH Have Fun Now...
Have Fun Now
It’s all up to you
But save some Fun for later on
And you’ll have More Fun too!
OHHH Have More Fun...
Have Fun Now
Have Fun every day
But if you don’t have no Fun to have
Have Fun Anyway
OHHH Have Fun Anyway...
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2. |
The Magic Word
01:40
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If you are in the kitchen
And there’s cookies on the shelf
DON’T JUST CLIMB UP
AND GRAB ONE
You can’t just help yourself
(What’s the magic word?)
Please please please please
Pretty please with
lettuce and cheese
Don’t make me get down
on my knees
Please please please please please
If you are in the grocery
And you want a candy bar
YOU’D BETTER NOT
START WHINING
Remember where you are
(What’s the magic word?)
Please please please please
Give it to me now before I sneeze
Better do it or I’ll give you fleas
Please please please please please
If you are watching tv
And it’s time to go to bed
YOUR PArents might not like it
If you wanna stay up instead
(What’s the magic word?)
NO!
No no no no
You can’t watch another show
Get in your jammies hurry up go
No no no no no no no no
NO NO NO NO NO!
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3. |
Nothing To Do
02:22
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(Ch) When I got nothing to do
I sit around and stew
Wishin’ I could do something
But I still do nothing
When I got nothing to do
No matter what I do
I still do nothing
And there’s nothing I can do
I need something to do
Something to help me make it thru
Something to amuse me
Something to confuse me
Something to distract me
From my mental boogaloo (Ch)
When I got something to do
I stick to that something
Just like glue
My fortune is accruing
When I know what I’m doing
And when I an’t got something
I haven’t got a clue (Ch)
Sometimes something isn’t fun
And I want to turn around and run
But I would rather do it
Than feel like I just blew it
It’s harder to start over
Than just to get it done (Ch)
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4. |
"H" Is For Hole
02:21
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Digging a hole is easy
Easiest thing around
You just pick up a shovel
And you shove it right in the ground
And when you get the dirt out
You’ve got room enough
To make buried treasure
Out of just about any old stuff
YEAH!
What can we bury (3x)
Down in the bottom of the hole?
(see Daddy’s car keys?)
Daddy keeps his car keys
All safe and close at hand
But if we only borrow them
I’m sure he’ll understand
And if we bury them in the ground
Before this moment’s past
Daddy’ll get a chance to use
That metal detector at last!
COOL!
What else can we bury (3x)
Down in the bottom of the hole?
(see Granny’s false teeth?)
Granny keeps her false teeth
In a jar at the head of the bed
But she doesn’t even notice
When they’re not in her head
And if we bury them in the ground
for a thousand years or two
Stupid old archeologists
Won’t even have a clue!
WOW!
What else can we bury...
(see Mommy’s iphone?)
Mommy’s Apple iphone
It is her joy and pride
Everything she needs to know
Is right there safe inside
But she doesn’t have a backup
And we really think she should
Maybe we can grow an apple tree
If we water it really good!
SWEET!
What else can we bury...
(oh no!)
Here comes little sister
She’s always sneaking around
She’s been watching us kyping stuff
and hiding it in the ground
She’s gonna run tell Mommy
And spoil all our fun...
WHAT ELSE CAN WE BURY
WHAT ELSE CAN WE BURY
WHAT ELSE CAN WE BURY
DOWN IN THE BOTTOM OF THE HOLE?
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5. |
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Six free adorable kittens
Ready to run and play
Six free adorable kittens
Take on home today
This one’s name is Scrappy
And Scrappy is his name
And this one’s name is One Ear
And Scrappy is to blame!
OH
Six free adorable kittens
Kittens all over the floor
Six free adorable kittens
Don’t want these kittens no more
Ollie’s very skinny
and Ozzie’s very fat
And Gertie likes to play with hampsters
But let’s not talk about that
OH
Six free adorable kittens
Kittens from wall to wall
Six free adorable kittens
Don’t want these kittens at all
This one’s name is Ugly
And he’s all gray and drab
and if nobody loves him
He’s going to the lab
OH
Six free adorable kittens
Ready to run and play
Six free adorable kittens
Take these kittens away!
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6. |
Landfill
02:11
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(Ch) Let’s go to the landfill
C’mon down to the landfill
Everybody’s going to the landfill
Won’t it be fun!
There’s lost toys in the landfill
Lotsa noise in the landfill
Girls and boys in the landfill
Won’t it be fun!
There’s broken clocks in the landfill
Orphan socks in the landfill
Keyless locks in the landfill
Won’t it be fun! (Ch)
There’s dead trees in the landfill
Poisoned fleas in the landfill
Massacrees in the landfill
Won’t it be fun!
There’s flat tires in the landfill
Burnt out wires in the landfill
Muck and mires in the landfill
Won’t it be fun! (Ch)
There’s empty jars in the landfill
Cracked guitars in the landfill
Movie stars in the landfill
Won’t it be fun!
There’s so much waste in the landfill
All over the place in the landfill
There’s no more space in the landfill
Won’t it be fun! (ch)
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7. |
Brainy Brainy Brain
02:39
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I woke up at 3 am
I had to take a pee
I tried to lie down
and go back to sleep
But it was not to be
My brain had lots of stuff to say
A big soliliquy
It kept me up til half past six
And this is what it said to me
Blah blah blah said my
brainy brainy brain
Blah blah blah blah blee
Blah blah blah blah
blabber blabber bloo
Said my brainy brainy brain to me
I got up and combed my hair
I stared at the kitchen wall
I went to school and sat in my chair
But I couldn’t think at all
My brain had used up all its words
To talk to me all night
And then the teacher called on me
To stand up and recite
Duh duh duh
Said my brainy brainy brain
Duh duh duh dee dway
Duh duh Duh duh dunny dunny bleh
Said my brainy brainy brain all day
If brains are supposed
To be so smart
Then why is mine so dumb?
It sleeps all day and it blabs all night
How come how come how come?
I came home and did my chores
I went to watch tv
But now my brain was all worn out
And this is what it said to me
ZZZZZZZZ
Said my brainy brainy brain
ZZZZ ZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZ ZZZZ
ZZZ
g’night
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8. |
The Greenlake Gater
02:11
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Well he was just a little lizard
Stuffing his gizzard
Down South America way
They put him on a chain
And threw him on a plane
And took him to the US of A
And he was presented
As a Christmas present
Just a little bit later
But little did they know
That he would grow to be
THE GREENLAKE GATER!
Well they kept him
In his alligator skin
Til he grew just a little too big
Then they said “Oh maybe
He’ll go and eat the baby”
And they went and took and
Threw him in the drink
They threw him in the lake
And he started to shake
In the cold of streams from glaciers
And many a duck
Was dragged to the muck
In the jaws of
THE GREENLAKE GATER!
Cold blooded or not
He terrorized the flock
That wintered by Greenlake
And no matter who seed it
Nobody believed it
Everybody said it was a fake
And by a lakefront restaurant
A pretty lady asked a waiter
“Is this Disneyland?”
And he said “No ma’m,
you’ve just seen
THE GREENLAKE GATER!”
They put in a call
To Animal Control
There was noone else to turn to
And they said “What laymen,
It’s really a cayman!”
And they took him away to the zoo
So just stay awake
While you’re sitting by the lake
Reading your morning paper
Don’t be surprised
To see a log with eyes
It could be
THE GREENLAKE GATER!
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9. |
Happy Birthday!
01:23
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Happy happy happy happy
Birthday to you!
Happy happy happy happy
Birthday to you!
Stand right up and take a bow
You’re a whole year older now
Happy happy happy happy
Birthday to you!
Happy happy happy happy
Birthday to you! (2x)
Feel your birthday’s awesome essence
Rip the wrappings off your presents
Happy happy happy happy
Birthday to you!
Happy happy happy happy
Birthday to you! (2x)
Count the years and get a thrill
From here out it’’s all downhill
Happy happy happy happy
Birthday to you!
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10. |
If Dogs Could Only Speak
02:01
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With all the trouble
In the world today
If dogs could only speak
I’m sure they’d say
Let’s sniff butts and be friendly
It’s so lonely being alone
We could roll over together
Help each other bury a bone
Life’s too short to be snarly
Just a short walk til it ends
Let’s not waste it
Pick a stick and chase it
Let’s sniff butts and be friends!
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11. |
That's Not Funny!
02:14
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One kid’s funny is another kid’s mean
One kid’s chuckle is
Another kid’s scream
One kid’s uncle is another kid’s dad
And one kid’s funny
Is another kid’s BAD
If you call up strangers
In the middle of the night
THAT’S NOT FUNNY
If you tie Mommy’s bra
To the tail of your kite
THAT’S NOT FUNNY
If you put bubble gum
In your best friend’s hat
If you set off a firecracker
Under the cat
If you hack your sister’s genome
And make her get fat
THAT’S NOT FUNNY AT ALL
Cause one kid’s funny
Is another kid’s mean
One kid’s chuckle
Is another kid’s scream
One kid’s nickle is another kid’s dime
And one kid’s funny
Is another kid’s WASTE OF TIME
If you bring a rotten egg
To show and tell
THAT’S NOT FUNNY
If you drop it on the floor
And say “What’s that smell?”
THAT’S NOT FUNNY
If you put your pet frog
In your Cream o’ Wheat
If you put DEAD BIRD
On the girl down the street
If you find Daddy’s tax return
And press “Delete”
THAT’S NOT FUNNY AT ALL
Cause one kid’s funny
Is another kid’s mean
One kid’s chuckle
Is another kid’s scream
One kid’s finger is another kid’s thumb
And one kid’s funny
Is another kid’s DUMB
If you tell little brother
He can walk on air
THAT’S NOT FUNNY
If you put a whoopie cushion
On the Principal’s chair
THAT’S NOT FUNNY
If you throw spit balls at the TV screen
If you feed your gerbil a jumping bean
If you screw up the past
With a time machine
THAT’S NOT FUNNY AT ALL
Cause one kid’s funny
Is another kid’s mean
One kid’s chuckle
Is another kid’s scream
One kid’s whistle
Is another kid’s song
And one kid’s funny
Is another kid’s WRONG
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12. |
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If you wanna get along
You better listen to this song
Good or bad or right or wrong
Just eat what’s put before you
Your mama told you when
You were only 8 or 10
Sat you in your chair and then
She said eat what’s put before you
Now don’t you go complaining
Or acting doublecrossed
You ain't the one who fixed it
You don’t know how much it cost
Make a smile out of your frown
Turn that sad face upside down
Be a happy circus clown
And eat what’s put before you
Now if you feel neglected
By the portion on your plate
Recall those kids in China
And commence to masticate
As your life goes rolling by
You will be served some humble pie
Look that cook right in the eye
And eat what’s put before you
Don’t ask how or what or why
Just eat what’s put before you
Mark that message “NO REPLY”
And eat what’s put before you
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13. |
Coal
02:32
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Santa has a reputation
For spreading Christmas cheer
He might give out presents
But that’s just once a year
Santa he ain’t your buddy
He don’t like you one bit
Cause if you’re not good
And do what you should
Santa’s gonna give you
COAL COAL
USEFUL COAL
DUG FROM THE BOTTOM
OF A BIG BLACK HOLE
FILLED TO THE BRIM
WITH DINOSAUR SOUL
SANTA’S GOT LOTS OF COAL
People always chat up Santa
Like he’s some big fat saint
But he’s always checking
That list of his
To see if you’re good or you ain’t
Now you might try to be perfect
But you might just as well quit
Cause if you’re a dunce
Even once
Santa’s gonna bring you
COAL COAL SOLID OIL
BTU’S FROM
BITUMINOUS SOIL
BRINGS THE KETTLE
TO A LOVELY BOIL
EVERYONE NEEDS MORE COAL
Santa doesn’t get much exercise
He doesn’t watch his weight
so well
He’s bee scarfing up
So many goodies
That he’s let his figure go
To Merry Christmas
(Ho ho ho, ha ha ha, hee hee hee
BWAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
Santa he’s always watching
No matter where you might be
He’s got little elves everywhere
Spying on you and me
He’s got all of your vitals
Right in his furry mitt
So if you take a break
To make a mistake
Santa’s gonna bring you
COAL COAL ANTHRACITE
DUG FROM THE DARK
TO BRING US LIGHT
KEEPS US WARM IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
YOU COULD DO WORSE
THAN COAL
EVERYONE NEEDS MORE COAL
SANTA’S GOT LOTS OF
COAL COAL COAL COAL
COAL COAL COAL COAL
COAL
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14. |
Character
01:53
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If the temperature is 10 below
And you got to go to school
And the busstop is a mile away
And the wind is cold and cruel
And your overshoes are full of holes
And you don’t wanna go
Remember what your mommy said
As you trudge through the snow
(Ch) You’re building character
You’re building character
And you’ll be a better person
In the end, in the end
You’re building character
You’re building character
And you’ll be a better person
In the end
If your brother comes
And beats you up
And breaks your favorite toy
If he rats you out to Mommy
Cause you’ve been a naughty boy
If he ties you to an anthill
And then pours honey on
Don’t fuss and fight
Just let ‘em bite
Until your brother’s gone (Ch)
If you gotta take the trash out
If you gotta mow the yard
If you gotta do the dishes
If you gotta wash the car
If you gotta walk the schnauzer
If you gotta clean the sink
Don’t get upset
It’s tough you bet
But it’s better than you think (Ch)
(and you’ll be a better person
in the end)
THE END!!!
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Thaddeus Spae Seattle, Washington
A 40-year veteran of the Folk Wars, Thaddeus Spae has played venues from Tipitina's to the EMP. He's an award-winning songwriter whose works range from quirky to literate, guardedly sentimental to outraged and sarcastic, performed on a panoply of instruments acoustic and electric, in a profligate variety of styles encompassing folk, hard rock, jazz, blues, electronic and more. Website: tspae.com. ... more
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