I met Buddha in the bad part of town back in an alley with his hat pulled down he said to me your money or your life I said this is a koan right? He said you'll die if you don't pay I said I'm gonna die anyway he pulled out a nine held it up high he was gonna open up my third eye (ch) I said it's all right go right on immanentize the eschaton you can't fight god with a gun immanentize the eschaton I saw Moses layin down the law shinin up his badge and practicing his draw he makes his living takin down crooks he says he always goes by the books he said to me now don't you sin you cross that line and I'll run you in I said I'm just tryin to ease the pain he started practicing his draw again (ch) Moses and Buddha they had a war neither one knew what it was for everybody else made a point to be gone they cleared off the street and said bring it on Buddha he took a middle stand Moses came back with the ten commands east is east and west is west they reached for the weapons that they knew best (ch)

The eldest of elderly women weaving the world on her loom running the thread on the shuttle sorting the gleam and the gloom the light and the dark the slag and the spark the cliff and the cleft the warp and the weft The wizard in back of the curtain pulling the levers and strings moving the pawns on the chessboard people and prices and things the take and the trade the point and the blade the hilt and the heft the warp and the weft The white coated mathematician tracing events on a graph x's and y's in concordance singing like notes on a staff the quarters of space the time and the place the right and the left the warp and the weft But the sights can't target the sign and the lesson's too simple to learn and the letters slip off of the line and so we return to The eldest of elderly women plaiting the fates in her hair stringing the stars for a necklace her weaving is ready to wear the moon and the sun the lost and the won the gauche and the deft the warp and the weft

Welcome to my shelter there’s room for just one more the bed’s already taken you can sleep there on the floor I went and scraped off “public” from the sign above the door welcome welcome to my shelter Welcome to my shelter it’s a cozy place to hide just play the game my way And we will both be satisfied unless you’d rather play In the apocalypse outside welcome welcome to my shelter The rules are very elegant and clear just do whatever I say or your ass is out of here I’m sure there’s nothing else I need define unless you miss the message of a loaded AK-9 Welcome to my shelter I’ll have steak and escargot for wine a nice chianti or perhaps the good merlot I hear your gruel’s delicious but I really wouldn’t know welcome welcome to my shelter This small reverse of fortune cannot last we’ll hide out in my hideout until what’s passed is past you seem to be an entertaining jack and if supplies run low you’ll make a tasty little snack Welcome to my shelter secure from the unknown you’ll have to make the best of it so please don’t piss and moan you’re always free to go and find a shelter of your own welcome welcome to my shelter

I'm a loser, you're a user We're a team, it's true Misery loves company and that's why I love you I'm a dreamer, you're a screamer we go loop de loo Misery loves company and that's why I love you Heaven must be beaming with pride Couldn't be more lame if we tried dear I'm a pouter you're a doubter What else can we do? Misery loves company and that's why I love you We don't care if raindrops don't fall We don't mind the sunshine at all dear I need plasma you've got asthma I have asthma too Misery loves company and that's why I love you

God got lonely god made mud god made bone and god made blood god made gristle god made fat mud stood up and that was that Ch: mud gets up and walks around mud gets up and walks around boundless spirit in mortal flesh is bound mud gets up and walks around mud gets up and walks around Mud has eyes and mud has ears mud can think mud sees and hears mud can sing and dance and play lucky mud i hear mud say (ch) Mud eats mud that grows on trees mud gets sick from mud disease mud lies down to sleep and then mud turns back to mud again (ch)

I wanna low maintenance girlfriend who doesn't think she's the queen who gives me a snuggle instead of a struggle and knows how to cook and clean I wanna low maintenance girlfriend one who's not a nervous wreck who fixes her computers and likes to go to hooters and never lets me pay the check And when she says good morning she means good morning not here comes a hissy fit without any warning and when she says good night she means good night not would you kindly read my mind n turn out the light I wanna low maintenance girlfriend sensible through and through who's got a groovy ringtone and doesn't lose her cellphone then borrow mine and lose it too I want a low maintenance boyfriend one who never wears a frown who washes all the dishes and wipes up when he pishes and always leaves The toilet seat down I want a low maintenance boyfriend who never makes me feel annoyed who doesn't need to chatter or ask me what's the matter or Think his name is sigmund freud And when he says “hey cutie” He means “hey cutie” not “you'd be really swell If you lost half of your bootie” and a dinner date is a dinner date not “would you like to supersize With fries and a shake” I want a low maintenance boyfriend who understands that he's a king who walks with a swagger and never needs viagra and doesn't care if i can't sing I want a low maintenance lover wicked good at being bad who's ice-cool and red-hot and sleeps on the wet spot and tells me i'm the best they've had I want a low maintenance partner sane and solid all the time who does what i'm expecting and doesn't bounce their checking or claim that they're from vega prime And when they say i love you, They mean I love you not “you'll do til I find a newer model of you” and when they ask to stay They really want to stay not hang around and wear you down And then run away I wanna low maintenance (boy/girl)friend wild and crazy and free who's wise beyond knowing and doesn't mind going with a high maintenance Guy/gal like me

You’ve heard of that old money river that carries the wealth of the world and bears up the weight of the great ships of state that sail with their banners unfurled but for all the great vessels that plough her yet few are the charts or the maps and fewer still know where her currents may flow nor all of her snags or her traps Ch: She’s wide and she’s green and she’s rollin she flows through the heart of the land so take me down to that money river and put a big straw in my hand There are other streams running beside her some swifter some fairer by far but none of them leap so full and so deep nor hold all her strength and her power for the stocks and the bonds are but freshets and the goods and the services too for she is the flood that brings fortune like blood to cities the whole nation thru (ch) Oh oh that old money river reach me a straw teach me to draw oh oh money river put a big straw in my hand Now those who have conquered this river won’t willingly tell what they’ve found and they do as they like with the dam drain and dyke leaving deserts and settlements drowned but speak kindly and one may approach you motion silence and beckon you near then hand you a straw and say fill up your craw but don’t slurp or the poor folks might hear (ch)

Oh the solitary possum in her coat of whiteish gray wandering the nighttime and sleeping through the day pondering her purpose as she goes along her way and marveling at the wonder of it all I see her by the roadside as the night is coming out the glimmer of her beady eyes the quiver of her snout a peerin through the darkness and a snuffin of the air and she knows the car is coming but she's too profound to care Oh the solitary possum... The possum's deep and subtle, you can see it in a glance she stands on the macadam in a philosophic trance with roarin menace bearing down she'll dream until she's done unless she is persuaded to collect her thoughts and run Oh the solitary possum... I do not stare at headlights -- I'm a realistic man and I can cross the road as well as any chicken can and I could soar with eagles or so I would proclaim but yet there's something in me of the possum just the same Oh the solitary possum...

Standin on the corner just tryin to stay awake they’re handin me a story but I know that it’s a fake it’s always jam tomorrow never jam today and all the while the future turns a darker shade of gray I wanna scream bloody murder Politician talkin on the television set his words are real pretty but they’re easy to forget he says he wants to help but there’s been a slight delay but if you reelect him he’ll get on it right away Businessmen and lawyers don’t know what to do they hear it’s getting heavy but they hope it isn’t true they wanna save their butts but they’re running outta time and they’re squeezing all the action for the last thin dime

I used to be a actor but now I’m just a liar going down to the crossroads to set myself on fire I’m naked as a baby they took all they could steal going down to the crossroads to cut myself a deal Well I got me an appointment with a man all dressed in black going down to the crossroads and I ain’t coming back I done things I can’t remember I got bills I’ll never pay going down to the crossroads to take myself away

Dynamite monkey sits all alone nurses his grievances longs for his home cohort and comfort not in the cards just a short leash and the plunger he guards hands on the handle grip is not tight probably won’t push him he might Please don’t tease dynamite monkey Dynamite monkey sensitive soul don’t like his job but he likes the control never a motion never a twitch biding his timing awake at the switch could be up swinging high in the air show some respect now he’s just sitting there Please don’t sneeze dynamite monkey And at night he sleeps with one eye open dreaming dreams of the final explosion when the world is freed from its disguise and bananas come raining from the skies Dynamite monkey he's not to blame he’s just a pawn in the big monkey game sworn to the service purchased and sold see hear and speak only what he is told for the duration this is his fate sit at attention and wait just wait Please don’t tease please don’t sneeze please don’t squeeze dynamite monkey

There is endless strife in the holy land and death is life in the holy land and war is your wife in the holy land in the holy land Your friend is foe In the holy land and glee is woe in the holy land and yes means no in the holy land in the holy land All the laws are lies and the saints draw flies laughter cries and innocence dies in the holy land Trees have no leaves In the holy land and priests are thieves in the holy land and justice grieves in the holy land in the holy land Every child is old in the holy land and love is sold in the holy land and lead is gold in the holy land in the holy land All the wise are fools and the kings are ghouls guns are tools and chaos rules in the holy land Listen listen there is no god but god the lord is one They build on sand In the holy land permission is banned in the holy land your fist is your hand in the holy land in the holy land All the goods are ills In the holy land and fire chills in the holy land and kindness kills in the holy land in the holy land There is blood in the street there is no retreat every triumph is defeat and the crimes repeat in the holy land

Sitting in the treatment chair waiting for my dental care brand new health insurance no mistake this is not my chosen way to celebrate my natal day not a single present and too much cake Ch: Birthdays and x rays showing what's inside you giving you a guide to know your fate birth and death are accidents waiting to happen life is just what happens while you wait Antiseptic in the air muzak crooning by the stair ready to receive my gamma kiss held down by a sheet of lead aim the blaster at my head Nursey lady telling me bite on this (Ch) Soon the kindly dentist comes sinking tools into my gums measuring the bone loss with each gash those two molars have to go hate to have to tell you so you don't need a root canal you need cash (Ch)

You show me what's up you keep my feet on the ground you make my whole world spin around when I fall I fall for you because nobody holds me like you do Ch: oh gravity oh gravity oh gravity hold on to me (2x's) You're always there no matter where I go why you attract me I just don't know lying in bed in your fond embrace if it wasn't for you i'd go flyin into space Ch (4x's) Br: I feel so heavy with you on top you keep me movin you never let me stop I wanna break away to fly and be free but I can't reach escape velocity Cause your heavenly body it bends my sight though I'm standin up to you with all my might but when I fall I fall for you because nobody holds me like you do Ch numerous times