My Midlife Crisis

by Thaddeus Spae

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about

T Spae contemplates his legacy and complains about his history in this assortment of styles, instruments and subject matter. Does what it says on the tin.

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released June 15, 2003

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about

Thaddeus Spae Seattle, Washington

A 40-year veteran of the Folk Wars, Thaddeus Spae has played venues from Tipitina's to the EMP. He's an award-winning songwriter whose works range from quirky to literate, guardedly sentimental to outraged and sarcastic, performed on a panoply of instruments acoustic and electric, in a profligate variety of styles encompassing folk, hard rock, jazz, blues, electronic and more. Website: tspae.com. ... more

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Track Name: Nothing Left To Prove
He never got a letter for his sweater
He didn't understand the game
and if they could would have put
"least likely to succeed" beside his name
he barely got to graduate,
His memory soon faded from the halls
but in his secret dreams he swore
That someday he'd return to show them all

But trapped inside his mansion
he's lost touch with everyone he ever knew
with nothing left to prove
and no one left to prove it to

He went out for the evening with his buddies
Just to show her who's the boss
he'd had it up to here with her complaining
and he told her to get lost
a little beer and pizza
and a lap dance wouldn't do him any harm
and if she didn't like it
he was sure he could rely upon his charm

But later that same evening
as he looked around his empty home he knew
he had nothing left to prove
and no one left to prove it to

We gaze out from the high ground
at the enemies who hate the way we live
we will not shrink before them
we will not forget and we will not forgive
no others shall usurpt our rightful place
we will obliterate our foe
and to overcome there is no depth
or distance to which we will not go

But in the bloody darkness at the end
what will the last man standing do
with nothing left to prove
and no one left to prove it to
Track Name: New Ball And Chain
NEW BALL AND CHAIN

Well I walked past hardware store yesterday
could not believe what they had to say
they said c’mover here boy don’t be shy
we got the latest thing give it a try

C’mere boy n getcherself a ball n chain

They had fullpage ads in the evening news
and thirty second spots on the radio too
they had every billboard they could get
and every time I walk past a tv set

They were reachin out
to fit me with a ball n chain

They got family discounts if you want it
they’ll give you term insurance on it
they got eight designer colors
And if that ain’t enough
you can get your initials engraved
Right on the cuff

I went back home and went to bed
tried to put the whole thing outta my head
but late at night deep in my dreams
I hear the clanking and I hear the screams

They say look out boy
they’re comin with your ball n chain
Track Name: Debit Credit Card
I'm cuttin up my plastic
it's goin out the door
I'm cuttin up my plastic
don't need it anymore
I'm cuttin up my plastic
with a great big pair of shears
I'm cuttin up my plastic
I ain't felt this rich in years
good gawd

But I don't need no currency
cause I don't feel no urgency
I'm safe as houses all I need
Is my debit credit card
my debit credit card
my debit credit credit debit debit credit card

I'm cuttin up my plastic
I'm givin it up for good
I'm cuttin up my plastic
just like I said I would
I'm cuttin up my plastic
what more is there to say
I'm cuttin up my plastic
and I'm throwing it away
good gawd

But I don't need to work a lot
to pay for all the stuff I bought
I'm cool as long as I still got
my debit credit card...

I'm cuttin up my plastic
I cut the apron strings
I'm cuttin up my plastic
I don't owe it a thing
I'm cuttin up my plastic
there's no place it can hide
I'm cuttin up my plastic
I'm committing plasticide
good gawd

But I don't need to sweat n sin
to break some pickle jar I'm in
I'm balancing my yang and yin
with my debit credit card...
Track Name: The Sewage Treatment Plant
I got no sense of history
when it comes to math I can't
so I packed my lunch and went to work
at the sewage treatment plant
the sewage treatment plant

I put on rubber waders
And leakproof underpants
and I held my nose and a pressure hose
at the sewage treatment plant

I never go to the movies
cause I know in advance
eventually they play for free
at the sewage treatment plant

And all those fine young ladies
that make the boys all pant
they send their photographs to me
at the sewage treatment plant

Now god sees every sparrow
and every bee and ant
and then he sends them all to me
at the sewage treatment plant

I figure I'm a lucky guy
within my circumstance
I guess I've got bout everything
at the sewage treatment plant

So study hard you kiddies
but if by chance you can't
there's Room for one more behind the doors
of the sewage treatment plant
Track Name: My Midlife Crisis
Saw a babe on broadway
styling all the rage
she was minding her business
I was feeling my age
I'm old enough to know better
older than I've ever been
I thought I was over my midlife crisis
But here it comes again

I don't watch leno
don't dig his show
I drive a car like my daddy had
half a lifetime ago
I used to hate what he stood for
but now I look just like him
I thought I was over my midlife crisis
But here it comes again

I got no compunctions
at my ambiguity
all my good old buddies grew up
twice as ugly as me

There's a part that's still 18
somewhere inside of me
but all of the rest of my body
is outta warranty
and when I look in the mirror
all I can see is my skin
I thought I was over my midlife crisis
but here it comes again
Track Name: Genius Grant
Gimme a genius grant
don't even tell me you can't
I could sure use it
doncha refuse it
gimme a genius grant

I got 740 on my SAT
gimme a genius grant
I never bought an SUV
gimme a genius grant
I got 98.6 degrees
from big mail order universities
I do my own taxes just as slick as you please
gimme a genius grant

Gimme a genius grant
don't even tell me you can't
you got the clover
hand the check over
gimme a genius grant

I play any instrument you might like
gimme a genius grant
I can ride a 12 speed mountain bike
gimme a genius grant
I rebuilt the carburator on my car
never had a duI so far
I can set the timer on my VCR
gimme a genius grant

Gimme a genius grant
don't even tell me you can't
sign it and seal it
don't make me steal it
gimme a genius grant

And I know what a woman wants
I know what a child sees
I don't watch the evening news
and I speak fluent lawyerese

Gimme a genius grant...
Track Name: Dinosaur Day
Tyrannosaurus rex on a rampage
walkin down the street just like you
he don't flash you no peace sign
he just bites you in two

Tyrannosaurus rex got the munchies
over in dinosaur park
little pebbles flintstone never stood a chance
shouldna let her out after dark

It's a dinosaur world
and they're here to stay
it's a dinosaur world
have a dinosaur day

Tyrannosaurus rex got ambitious
tired of the stock on hand
caught him a tour bus to aniheim
got a job at disneyland

Tyrannosaurus rex got drafted
they sent him overseas to advise
he ate up all the civilians
they gave him the nobel prize

It's a dinosaur world
and they're making it pay
it's a dinosaur world
have a dinosaur day

Tyrannosaurus rex in the white house
Tyrannosaurus rex On the moon
Tyrannosaurus rex In congress
Barney's grown up too soon

Tyrannosaurus rex is my idol
I got them dinosaur blues
I'm lookin for a dinosaur cutie
walkin in them dinosaur shoes

It's a dinosaur world
just get out of their way
it's a dinosaur world
have a dinosaur day
Track Name: Singer/Songwriter
Last time I looked it was all the same
god's in his heaven and the world's aflame
politicians runnin the same ol game
everybody lookin for money n fame

I'm a singer songwriter
I'm a trained observer
I'm a singer songwriter
I'm a process server
I'm a singer songwriter
I may be etherial
but I never run outta material

Men need women and women need men
they hurt each other again and again
they fight and they cheat, they leave n they lie
they break their hearts and wonder why why why

I'm a singer songwriter I'm a lover n a loser
I'm a singer songwriter I'm a substance abuser
I'm a singer songwriter I may be dramatic
but my basement is up in your attic

Know what sayin?
Didn't think so

Can't win a bet with a singer songwriter
he's too cool to be wrong
can't win a fight with a singer songwriter
he'll just put you in a song

Serves you right...

Nothing's real and everything's fake
hope is a joke and life's a mistake
record companies won't give you a break
you don't like my songs go jump in the lake

I'm a singer songwriter I'm a one in a million
I'm a singer songwriter I'm a hero and a villain
I'm a singer songwriter I call em like I see em
and my head belongs in a museum

Who writes this stuff anyway?
Oh yeah
that would be me...
Track Name: Remod
(ch) well it's hot on the left cold on the right
I'm trying to get my remod done
well it's hot on the left cold on the right
I'm trying to get my remod done

Well my home was out of order and it needed a fix
tryin to get my remod done
but if I knew what was coming I'd have just said nix
tryin to get my remod done
well I thought I could repair just a thing or two
tryin to get my remod done
but now I'm sleeping in a corner and living in a zoo
tryin to get my remod done (ch)

Gonna put in a window let in some light
tryin to get my remod done
and move the whole bathroom a little to the right
tryin to get my remod done
picking out tile but I dunno what for
tryin to get my remod done
cause I gotta do the ceiling before I do the floor
tryin to get my remod done (ch)

Well I went to a party and everybody there was singin
Tryin to get my remod done
eatin sheetrock canapes and drinkin perrier
tryin to get my remod done
well I still don't know all the steps to this dance
tryin to get my remod done
and when I get done I gotta refinance
tryin to get my remod done (ch)
Track Name: Shotgun
Life is so much better with a shotgun
wouldn't it be great if everybody got one?
Folks are so much nicer to a shotgun
make the world a better place
don't leave home without one

Doggies always bark and scatter feces
why not take a thirty ought and blow them all to pieces
children are such irritating creatures
why not use a twelve-gauge to rearrange their features?

If you have a problem with your neighbor
you can let a cartridge take the place of good behavior
you can use ballistics as persuasion
fly them full choke airlines on a permanent vacation

Don't debate with someone else's story
just reply with buckshot and you'll leave em limp and gory
you don't have to back up your position
if you just remember to bring extra ammunition
Track Name: JCMSUP
(ch) Jesus Christ made Seattle under protest
he got the job done
he did his best
Jesus Christ made Seattle under protest
we made trouble
He did the rest

Ain't no angels in the city of the angels
ain't no babes in the city by the bay
they felt the earth move they saw the firestorm
they packed their cars and they drove away (ch)

Here in the northland we live under water
we never see dry land anymore
greet each other behind our face masks
wave our fins and swim for shore (ch)
Track Name: Wheel
(babababa babababa babababa babababa)

Winter turns to summertime this alone is real
still I find that I'm inclined to reinvent the wheel
punk parades and porn arcades wait to make a deal
but al they do is sucker you and reinvent the wheel

And like the swallows and macarthur I return
just to see how many replays I can earn
and I'm amazed at all the stuff that I learn
the umpteenth time around

(babababa babababa babababa babababa)

Landlords raise the rent for days farmers raise a meal
teachers raise the price of praise and reinvent the wheel
sexy clothes and tv shows change the way I feel
make me sick and heal me quick and reinvent the wheel

And like the swallows and macarthur I return
just to see how many bridges I can burn
and I'm amazed at all the stuff that I learn
the umpteenth time around

Have a good time at the playground
ride the wheel round and round and round...

Lovers play their hearts away lost beyond appeal
wipe their eyes and zip their flies and reinvent the wheel
matter arcs in cosmic sparks galaxies reveal
take their place in time and space and reinvent the wheel

And like the swallows and macarthur I return
just to see how many replays I can earn
and I'm amazed at all the stuff that I learn
the umpteenth time around

(babababa babababa babababa babababa)