The Unicorn said goodbye The Griffin couldn’t fly The Rainbow faded like a jaded melody in the sky The Crystals turned to lead The Spirits sighed and fled and one by one the Moon and Sun and Stars went off to bed Then all the Realistic People shouted out in Satisfaction Now we’re free to build a World that’s safe from Spurious Distraction. The Goddesses and Gods They fell like Ichabods The Heroes fought but all were caught They couldn’t beat the odds The minstrels sang no more And on the Farthest Shore A neighborhood of houses stood where Forest grew before Then all the Realistic People shouted out in satisfaction Hail this wealthy World we’re making free of Spurious Distraction Then Skies went black with stink that fouled the food and drink And those that could they understood that they stood at the Brink And Monsters rose from Hell Too numerous to tell By those who wrote the History (quote) “On  How the Empire Fell.” Then all the Realistic People cried in Fear and Numb Reaction How were we to know the World depends on Spurious Distraction? And now the World is bare No Water Land or Air Can pierce the scheme of bitter Dream of desolate Despair the People cry in pain against their self-made Bane and they wait forlorn for the Unicorn to say Hello again Then all the Realistic People All will shout in Satisfaction Hail this multicosmic World That turns on Spurious Distraction

he’s the man with magic feet He’s the one, he’s the one who is always on the beat Here he comes, here he comes Bang the drums, alert the page for the one whose toes everybody knows is about to mount the stage Well known to all and sundry no time to do his laundry his toes perform on Sunday for the royalty and their kin Then he is off to Europe more accolades to stir up Life’s not easy with those ten accomplished toes When he goes a walking on them crowds are always there waiting for His Majesty to miss a stair And with all the dangers lurking underneath the sun He’s been careful to insure his legs with Lloyd’s of London For if you earn your meals with your achilles heels life’s not easy with those ten accomplished toes

Down in beautiful Micronesia is the beautiful island of Yap They got the grass skirted girls the taro root fields they don’t care about the cultural gap But these simple and casual people have got currency that’s heavy and round and if you go for a loan you need a friend to get it home cause it weighs about two hundred pounds and you’ll see them Carrying money on their shoulders Carrying money every day They’re carrying money and it may look funny but they ain’t got no better way Continental Micronesian Airways brings the scuba people over the seas pursuing reports of big dive resorts with all of the amenities Now they all seem to travel so lightly with the credit cards that they own but when they put on their gear they’re dressed in money up to here and it’s so heavy they sink like a stone and you’ll see them Carrying money underwater Carrying money as they swim They’re carrying money and they may look funny but you better not say that to them Now the tourists they laugh at the natives but the natives they calmly retort lady tourist can lift more with her ring finger than any man can support But whenever they all get together both the tourists and natives agree though he may not look husky the banker must be the strongest man you’ll ever see (carry that money! etc) Now it seems that the matter of finance is a burden to women and man We pick up the debt and wipe off the sweat and do the best that we can But we all have a very good reason to put up with the trouble and fuss We’re saving our pay and awaiting the day when money starts carrying us everybody is Carrying money all together We’re carrying money every day We’re carrying money and it may look funny but we ain’t got no better way

Well I was born on a Sunday with a star on my brow The gypsy lady saw me and she gave me a bow She said to my mama Don’t you worry about him He’ll always be in trouble but he’ll take it with a grin I went down to the temple just to see the dancer I asked a lotta questions them priests couldn’t answer I said If we’re all God then what’s the big fuss? And they said Go away boy, you’re bothering us Yeah I’m a bootstrap Buddha You don’t like it you can shove it I make my own bed and I levitate above it I’m a bootstrap Buddha I’m a self-made Saint I Am what I Am and I ain’t what I ain’t I go stompin on spooks just to hear em go crunch I eat demons for breakfast and dragons for lunch I read Akashic Records on the Astral Plane I just read yours boy so don’t you complain I give all them other gurus a run for their money I get so enlightened that my mama calls me Sonny I got pretty young chelas that follow me around throwin rose petals in front of me on the ground (and they sing Om Shanti Om Shanti Om Shanti Om…) This save-the-world business is funky you bet They tell me I’m a prophet but I ain’t seen one yet so if you see me comin be prepared to get caught You’re gonna get enlightened whether you need it or not (repeat chorus)

It’s the century of slang It’s the century of slang and the 1900’s people say “It’s all the rage!” in the century of slang. And the teens people say “Hachacha!” And the 20’s people say “Hi dee Ho!” And the 30’s people say “Wanna buy a pencil?” And the 40’s people say “Crazy, pops!” And the 50’s people say “Like cool, daddy-o!” And the 60’s people say “Far out, man!” And the 70’s people say “Have a nice day!” And the 80’s people say “I don’t remember…” And the 90’s people say “Excuse me! Hello?” And the year two thousand people say “What’s wrong with my computer?”

Darwin’s Lament — Ain’t no swinger, can’t hang around My brachiating appendages don’t reach to the ground I shamble around upright in these civilized shoes I’m just an ape with the blues Can’t challenge the Alpha, he lives overseas Can’t groom my mate, she ain’t got no fleas Can’t run my business with body language cues I’m just an ape with the blues No native habitat, got to compete No fangs to bare, barely any chest to beat Can’t fight worth diddly, just too weak I’m a revolutionary evolutionary freak Bald all over, chilly at night No instinctive ethos gotta learn to act polite Can’t talk to Creationists, they don’t share my views I’m just an ape with the blues If I was a donkey I could kick some ass If I was a sheep I could bleat and eat grass If I was an amoeba I wouldn’t feel no pain But no! I had to be a primate with an overstuffed brain Sweating in this city, junked out on machines Dreamin at night of those arboreal scenes Can’t shed this monkey suit, I ain’t paid my dues I’m just an ape There’s no escape I’m up to my nape cause I’m just an ape with the blues Lookin for My Tribe — Well who’s that fellow standin there in his leopard skin underwear painted body tangled hair bone in his nose and a ring in his ear in his hand a long sharp spear on his face a look of fear say who’s that fellow standin there (Just shut up and we might hear) I’m ramblin through the jungle I got no place to hide I’m just a fidgety aborigine lookin for my tribe I might find a brighter future as a pharisee or scribe but I’m much too wise to civilize I’m lookin for my tribe The boa constrictor sees the picture in the struggle he’s the victor he says don’t be chicken, squeeze your victim learn to hiss and you’ll feel bliss They pass me up that bloody cup but I cannot imbibe that scaly smile it ain’t my style I’m lookin for my tribe The elephant is so pedantic disagree and he grows frantic he begs to differ quoting scripture then after that he’ll stomp you flat And the monkeys throw bananas but I can’t take no bribe They can keep their tree it’s not for me I’m lookin for my tribe

Well it’s great to hit the dugout with a brand new uniform on and it’s great to feel that morning breeze and smell that newmown lawn and it’s great to razz the batter and to call the umpire names but going to the showers is the best part of the game This ain’t no rocket science out here it ain’t hard at all We just run around the field and keep our good eye on the ball but when the shouting’s over it always ends the same and going to the showers is the best part of the game Now the owners and the managers they all say that business is good and the fans all love to watch the show and they’d watch more if they could but the owners and the managers and the fans they all proclaim that going to the showers is the best part of the game Well let me stand with the starting team on that opening day and let me make the winning catch if it should come my way but let me have a hot one when it’s time to shave and change cause going to the showers is the best part of the game