Cheap At Twice The Price

by The El Mosquito Orchestra

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about

Cleverly disguised as the El Mosquito Orchestra, Thaddeus Spae delivers a squirming litter of his peculiar little songs for your dining and dancing pleasure. Deliriously revised dixieland, mariachi and acoustic rock on a pile of instruments.

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released June 1, 1996

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Thaddeus Spae Seattle, Washington

A 40-year veteran of the Folk Wars, Thaddeus Spae has played venues from Tipitina's to the EMP. He's an award-winning songwriter whose works range from quirky to literate, guardedly sentimental to outraged and sarcastic, performed on a panoply of instruments acoustic and electric, in a profligate variety of styles encompassing folk, hard rock, jazz, blues, electronic and more. Website: tspae.com. ... more

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Track Name: Spurious Distraction
The Unicorn said goodbye
The Griffin couldn’t fly
The Rainbow faded like a jaded
melody in the sky
The Crystals turned to lead
The Spirits sighed and fled
and one by one the Moon and Sun
and Stars went off to bed

Then all the Realistic People
shouted out in Satisfaction
Now we’re free to build a World
that’s safe from Spurious Distraction.

The Goddesses and Gods
They fell like Ichabods
The Heroes fought but all were caught
They couldn’t beat the odds
The minstrels sang no more
And on the Farthest Shore
A neighborhood of houses stood
where Forest grew before

Then all the Realistic People
shouted out in satisfaction
Hail this wealthy World we’re making
free of Spurious Distraction

Then Skies went black with stink
that fouled the food and drink
And those that could they understood
that they stood at the Brink
And Monsters rose from Hell
Too numerous to tell
By those who wrote the History (quote)
“On  How the Empire Fell.”

Then all the Realistic People
cried in Fear and Numb Reaction
How were we to know the World
depends on Spurious Distraction?

And now the World is bare
No Water Land or Air
Can pierce the scheme
of bitter Dream
of desolate Despair
the People cry in pain
against their self-made Bane
and they wait forlorn
for the Unicorn
to say Hello again

Then all the Realistic People
All will shout in Satisfaction
Hail this multicosmic World
That turns on Spurious Distraction
Track Name: Toes
he’s the man with magic feet
He’s the one, he’s the one
who is always on the beat
Here he comes, here he comes
Bang the drums, alert the page
for the one whose toes
everybody knows
is about to mount the stage

Well known to all and sundry
no time to do his laundry
his toes perform on Sunday
for the royalty and their kin
Then he is off to Europe
more accolades to stir up
Life’s not easy with those
ten accomplished toes

When he goes a walking on them
crowds are always there
waiting for His Majesty
to miss a stair
And with all the dangers lurking
underneath the sun
He’s been careful to insure his legs
with Lloyd’s of London

For if you earn your meals
with your achilles heels
life’s not easy with those
ten accomplished toes
Track Name: Carrying Money
Down in beautiful Micronesia
is the beautiful island of Yap
They got the grass skirted girls
the taro root fields
they don’t care about the cultural gap
But these simple and casual people
have got currency that’s heavy and round
and if you go for a loan
you need a friend to get it home
cause it weighs about two hundred pounds
and you’ll see them

Carrying money on their shoulders
Carrying money every day
They’re carrying money
and it may look funny
but they ain’t got no better way

Continental Micronesian Airways
brings the scuba people over the seas
pursuing reports of big dive resorts
with all of the amenities
Now they all seem to travel so lightly
with the credit cards that they own
but when they put on their gear
they’re dressed in money up to here
and it’s so heavy they sink like a stone
and you’ll see them

Carrying money underwater
Carrying money as they swim
They’re carrying money
and they may look funny
but you better not say that to them

Now the tourists they laugh at the natives
but the natives they calmly retort
lady tourist can lift more
with her ring finger
than any man can support
But whenever they all get together
both the tourists and natives agree
though he may not look husky
the banker must be
the strongest man you’ll ever see

(carry that money! etc)

Now it seems that the matter of finance
is a burden to women and man
We pick up the debt
and wipe off the sweat
and do the best that we can
But we all have a very good reason
to put up with the trouble and fuss
We’re saving our pay
and awaiting the day
when money starts carrying us
everybody is

Carrying money all together
We’re carrying money every day
We’re carrying money
and it may look funny
but we ain’t got no better way
Track Name: Bootstrap Buddha
Well I was born on a Sunday
with a star on my brow
The gypsy lady saw me
and she gave me a bow
She said to my mama
Don’t you worry about him
He’ll always be in trouble
but he’ll take it with a grin

I went down to the temple
just to see the dancer
I asked a lotta questions
them priests couldn’t answer
I said If we’re all God
then what’s the big fuss?
And they said Go away boy,
you’re bothering us

Yeah I’m a bootstrap Buddha
You don’t like it you can shove it
I make my own bed
and I levitate above it
I’m a bootstrap Buddha
I’m a self-made Saint
I Am what I Am
and I ain’t what I ain’t

I go stompin on spooks
just to hear em go crunch
I eat demons for breakfast
and dragons for lunch
I read Akashic Records
on the Astral Plane
I just read yours boy
so don’t you complain

I give all them other gurus
a run for their money
I get so enlightened
that my mama calls me Sonny
I got pretty young chelas
that follow me around
throwin rose petals
in front of me on the ground

(and they sing Om Shanti Om Shanti
Om Shanti Om…)

This save-the-world business
is funky you bet
They tell me I’m a prophet
but I ain’t seen one yet
so if you see me comin
be prepared to get caught
You’re gonna get enlightened
whether you need it or not

(repeat chorus)
Track Name: Century Of Slang
It’s the century of slang
It’s the century of slang
and the 1900’s people say “It’s all the rage!”
in the century of slang.

And the teens people say
“Hachacha!”

And the 20’s people say
“Hi dee Ho!”

And the 30’s people say
“Wanna buy a pencil?”

And the 40’s people say
“Crazy, pops!”

And the 50’s people say
“Like cool, daddy-o!”

And the 60’s people say
“Far out, man!”

And the 70’s people say
“Have a nice day!”

And the 80’s people say
“I don’t remember…”

And the 90’s people say
“Excuse me! Hello?”

And the year two thousand people say
“What’s wrong with my computer?”
Track Name: Evolution Medley
Darwin’s Lament —
Ain’t no swinger, can’t hang around
My brachiating appendages
don’t reach to the ground
I shamble around upright in these civilized shoes
I’m just an ape with the blues
Can’t challenge the Alpha, he lives overseas
Can’t groom my mate, she ain’t got no fleas
Can’t run my business with body language cues I’m just an ape with the blues

No native habitat, got to compete
No fangs to bare, barely any chest to beat
Can’t fight worth diddly, just too weak
I’m a revolutionary evolutionary freak

Bald all over, chilly at night
No instinctive ethos gotta learn to act polite
Can’t talk to Creationists, they don’t share my views I’m just an ape with the blues

If I was a donkey I could kick some ass
If I was a sheep I could bleat and eat grass
If I was an amoeba I wouldn’t feel no pain
But no! I had to be a primate
with an overstuffed brain

Sweating in this city, junked out on machines Dreamin at night of those arboreal scenes
Can’t shed this monkey suit, I ain’t paid my dues I’m just an ape
There’s no escape
I’m up to my nape
cause I’m just an ape with the blues

Lookin for My Tribe —
Well who’s that fellow standin there
in his leopard skin underwear
painted body tangled hair
bone in his nose and a ring in his ear
in his hand a long sharp spear
on his face a look of fear
say who’s that fellow standin there
(Just shut up and we might hear)

I’m ramblin through the jungle
I got no place to hide
I’m just a fidgety aborigine
lookin for my tribe
I might find a brighter future
as a pharisee or scribe
but I’m much too wise to civilize
I’m lookin for my tribe

The boa constrictor sees the picture
in the struggle he’s the victor
he says don’t be chicken,
squeeze your victim
learn to hiss and you’ll feel bliss

They pass me up that bloody cup
but I cannot imbibe
that scaly smile it ain’t my style
I’m lookin for my tribe

The elephant is so pedantic
disagree and he grows frantic
he begs to differ quoting scripture
then after that he’ll stomp you flat

And the monkeys throw bananas
but I can’t take no bribe
They can keep their tree
it’s not for me
I’m lookin for my tribe
Track Name: Going To The Showers
Well it’s great to hit the dugout
with a brand new uniform on
and it’s great to feel that morning breeze
and smell that newmown lawn
and it’s great to razz the batter
and to call the umpire names
but going to the showers
is the best part of the game

This ain’t no rocket science out here
it ain’t hard at all
We just run around the field
and keep our good eye on the ball
but when the shouting’s over
it always ends the same
and going to the showers
is the best part of the game

Now the owners and the managers
they all say that business is good
and the fans all love to watch the show
and they’d watch more if they could
but the owners and the managers
and the fans they all proclaim
that going to the showers
is the best part of the game

Well let me stand with the starting team
on that opening day
and let me make the winning catch
if it should come my way
but let me have a hot one
when it’s time to shave and change
cause going to the showers
is the best part of the game