Darwin’s Lament — Ain’t no swinger, can’t hang around My brachiating appendages don’t reach to the ground I shamble around upright in these civilized shoes I’m just an ape with the blues Can’t challenge the Alpha, he lives overseas Can’t groom my mate, she ain’t got no fleas Can’t run my business with body language cues I’m just an ape with the blues No native habitat, got to compete No fangs to bare, barely any chest to beat Can’t fight worth diddly, just too weak I’m a revolutionary evolutionary freak Bald all over, chilly at night No instinctive ethos gotta learn to act polite Can’t talk to Creationists, they don’t share my views I’m just an ape with the blues If I was a donkey I could kick some ass If I was a sheep I could bleat and eat grass If I was an amoeba I wouldn’t feel no pain But no! I had to be a primate with an overstuffed brain Sweating in this city, junked out on machines Dreamin at night of those arboreal scenes Can’t shed this monkey suit, I ain’t paid my dues I’m just an ape There’s no escape I’m up to my nape cause I’m just an ape with the blues Lookin for My Tribe — Well who’s that fellow standin there in his leopard skin underwear painted body tangled hair bone in his nose and a ring in his ear in his hand a long sharp spear on his face a look of fear say who’s that fellow standin there (Just shut up and we might hear) I’m ramblin through the jungle I got no place to hide I’m just a fidgety aborigine lookin for my tribe I might find a brighter future as a pharisee or scribe but I’m much too wise to civilize I’m lookin for my tribe The boa constrictor sees the picture in the struggle he’s the victor he says don’t be chicken, squeeze your victim learn to hiss and you’ll feel bliss They pass me up that bloody cup but I cannot imbibe that scaly smile it ain’t my style I’m lookin for my tribe The elephant is so pedantic disagree and he grows frantic he begs to differ quoting scripture then after that he’ll stomp you flat And the monkeys throw bananas but I can’t take no bribe They can keep their tree it’s not for me I’m lookin for my tribe